Truly, it’s not. I simply needed to piss anyone off with the title.
Ohhhhh yeah… the Watchers have allowed Oz, the Courtroom Jester (a.okay.a. the Village Fool, the Royal Idiot, the Wall Nut,) again onto your technologically enhanced display for max studying pleasure. Girlfriend… this is your fortunate day.
Rumor has it that we now have virtually (subjective) come to the finish of this superb recreation. For these causes, the administration has launched a person to as soon as once more burden you with inferior Unsullied hypothesis on account of the lack of related information, coupled with pleasure accelerated by a three-second Jonsa embrace. Thanks HBO!
Regardless, theories abound! And I haven’t learn a one of them. However I’m fairly constructive that the unrealistic ones featured under the minimize are significantly worse than yours. Worry not, for there is some extent to the lunacy. Shall we start? Sure, Lisa…
Disclaimer: For all of you Wall newbies, and as a reminder for the Wallbies: You’ve gotten entered the realm of the Unsullied; the place present reality and written fiction are separated by a person with solely a tv and a dear, but worthy, subscription to Residence Field Workplace. My oath states that no sacred texts could also be learn till the conclusion of the present, and a person is nothing if he is not an oathkeeper.
As Unsullied, we should dine on what is served by buffet curators David and Dan solely.
Disclaimer #2: Sue of Home Fury and Luka of Home Superior do NOT permit a person to learn any spoilery content material produced, written and reported right here at the Wall or anyplace else all through the twines of internettery. So, if a person appears uninformed, it’s as a result of I’m.
I additionally don’t learn theories, however I hear there are hundreds (perhaps extra) out there for clicking or obtain or patreonable or different. When you weren’t already conscious, you’ll shortly discover that my theories are NOT value paying for. Earlier than you complain, perceive that at the conclusion, you’ll have simply ingested this nonsensical content material free of charge. All it has value you is 15 minutes of your life you possibly can by no means get again.
So right here we’re kiddos… standing at the precipice of hell, also referred to as the finish of Game of Thrones.
All good issues should come to an finish, and in the timeless phrases of Brian Flanagan from Cocktail (1988), “Everything ends badly. Otherwise it wouldn’t end.” Sure, I’ve used this quote earlier than. It’s necessary that you simply don’t overlook it.
I’ll come again to that.
Realizing that each concept has in all probability been verbalized or written in some nook of the web, I felt the want to provide you some unlikely ones. Odds are good that your principle, in a single type or one other, is mistaken.
That dude sitting subsequent to you… his is in all probability fallacious too, even in the event you don’t need to be the one to inform him how flawed it is.
My theories and speculations are sometimes as incorrect as that man, which can be the main purpose I don’t contrive them as a lot as in the early days of the website.
And apart from that, there are a conglomerate of sharper minds than the one which resides in my warped mind that contribute to this website (see: Patrick Sponaugle, Morgoth, Akash of the Andals, JoeMagician). They’re much extra worthy of your time and consideration. (Patrick… name your mom).
In lieu of deep thought and examination, I assumed I’d offer you some outlandish and extremely unlikely outcomes for the remaining six episodes. In case you are not in the temper for a light dose of absurdity, I recommend you exit stage left now. You’ve been warned.
The Jonsa Embrace
Let’s begin with the most up-to-date footage we’ve… one second of strategy and two seconds of hug. Or vice versa.
There’s lots to unpack right here: First of all, what type of hug is this? Brotherly/sisterly love? An “I missed you” hug? An “I’m so glad you’re alive” hug?
Or is this one thing extra sinister? Have been they squeezing too tightly? Did Sansa lookup as a result of Jon’s hand by accident rubbed her thigh? Oh God… ARE THEY GOING TO DO IT?
OuncesConjecture: No. They’re not. Why are we even speaking about this? Everyone knows that Sansa is going to finish up with the Hound as evidenced by his actions towards her going all the approach again to the finish of Season 1. It is recognized… depart it alone.
And sorry, Joe. You’re a handsome dude and all, however Sandor was leaving his toothbrush whereas defending Sansa’s place lengthy earlier than you have been round.
Houndsa™ could have cake by the ocean and produce lovely half canine/half wolf pups that may convey peace and prosperity to no matter is left of the North post-Nice Struggle.
OK, that’s Sansa. However what about Hey Jon Snow(pronounced Ae-Jon Snow)?
He’s taken too. However not by Dany. Her identify is Hey Rose Leslie (pronounced Ae-Rose Leslie), and she or he is kissed by hearth in additional methods than one. In Season four, Episode 9, we see AeJon go to burn the lifeless physique of Ygritte. However did we truly see the physique burning?
GoT is no stranger to ambiguous deaths. And whereas we do know that she died, if her physique didn’t burn, might she come again as Ygritte Wight?
Name it loopy, however now that they’re hitched in actual life, might Package have referred to as in a favor to D&D for Rose to make a return?
OuncesConjecture: AeJon runs into blue-eyed Ygritte Wight and in lieu of killing her, luggage her up like the Wight that received UPS’ed right down to King’s Touchdown for Cersei to see. He proceeds to have Samwell (cured greyscale) learn via lots of of books and find find out how to change a wight again to a human (I Am Legend). In the largest twist of all of them, Sam succeeds.
Hey Jon and Hey Rose each comply with “fuck the cold” and catch a ship to the Summer time Islands the place they stay tan and heat and fortunately ever after.
Nevertheless, this ambiguous dying (and subsequent non-burning) challenge rears its ugly head, actually, as the entire Wight household exhibits as much as assault whoever is left in Westeros. This consists of, however is not restricted to: Syrio Wight, Stannis Wight, Blackfish Wight, Hodor Wight, Tyene Wight, and Olenna Wight amongst others.
However, what about Dany? She is with baby!
Sure. She is. You have been proper about this one.
Sadly, the father has run off to the southern isles together with his real love reinvented, solely to go away Dany as a single mother. What’s worse is that Jon is not likely Jon. And he’s not Aegon. He’s not even Qui-Gon.
Jon is not a Targaryen in any respect. He is truly (and secretly) a pink priest, which is the purpose Purple Velvet (Melisandre) was so interested in him to start with. In Season 8, we’ll uncover that the Lord of Mild has the capacity to skew the visions of the Three-Eyed Raven thus throwing Bran’s enlightenment off-kilter.
Have you learnt what meaning?
OuncesConjecture: Dany will give delivery to a shadow child, which admittedly shall be simpler to look after as a single mum or dad, but not essentially what she hoped for.
After Dany meets Jaime, who subsequently dies from wounds suffered whereas battling Olenna Wight, the shadow child takes the type of a dragon with Jaime’s face and flies to King’s Touchdown to kill Cersei.
Prophecy fulfilled, MF’s.
So, the Dragon Queen will sit on the Iron Throne?
Not solely is it the most predictable end result that gained’t consequence, it additionally gained’t occur as a result of there are different evil powers at work along with the NK.
Right here’s the DL on the NK and the DQ: Their might be a battle of IaF (shocker). The great dragons will take out a big swath of the wights in addition to dangerous dragon, however the NK will probably be MIA.
After mass casualties, the state of affairs will appear to be coming to a positive ending that includes the defeat of the lifeless military with Dany and some different notables having survived the melee. However there is fly in the ointment. Or slightly, a spider…
OuncesConjecture (and this one is truly a distant risk): Varys is a f***ing warlock.
One of the few remaining unfastened ends left in the present is the inclusion of this group being featured in each S2 and S3 in the type of Pyat Pree in Qarth and the random dock-jumping woman with the blue popsicle fetish hanging out in Astapor. The previous tried to enslave Dany and the dragons whereas the latter tried to assassinate her with a scorpion sprayed with chrome-green spray paint.
If the warlock chapter had ended with Pyat Pree, who was left to die in the Home of the Dying Timeless, then I actually don’t query this a lot. However blue raspberry ring-pop woman modified that. If she is not included in the present, I in all probability don’t even give this a re-assessment.
However right here is a pedestrian working example: Varys has all the time seemingly most popular to be in the presence of Targaryens. Dragons are essential to the magic of the warlocks. Varys was bought to a sorcerer who plucked his plucker and plucklings and threw them in a brazier, which made the hearth flip blue. Warlocks drink blue shit. Put Varys on the flexatarian eating regimen, and he kinda seems to be like Pyat Pree. He additionally despised and doubted the Lord of Mild, probably signaling his disdain for different training magicians in potential favor of his personal. Kinvara someway magically knew of Varys’ castration but tells him that he has nothing to worry from her.
Then there was the bizarre convo between Varys and Pink Velvet at Dragonstone the place she said that she should return to die in Westeros, identical to him. Huh?
After which, the seed of doubt… Dany confronts Varys about his loyalty in addition to his intent given the proven fact that he had assisted in serving to discover her in order that she could possibly be killed.
Later, Tyrion and Varys have a dialogue:
Tyrion Lannister: “I am her Hand, not her head. I can’t make her decisions for her.”
Varys: “That’s what I used to tell myself about her father. I found the traitors, but I wasn’t the one burning them alive. I was only a purveyor of information. It’s what I told myself when I watched them beg for mercy – I’m not the one doing it. When the pitch of their screams rose higher – I’m not the one doing it. When their hair caught fire, and the smell of their burning flesh filled the throne room – I’m not the one doing it.”
Tyrion Lannister: “Daenerys is not her father.”
Varys: “And she or he by no means might be, with the proper counsel. You have to discover a option to make her pay attention. “
Varys’ justification to himself about the actions of the Mad King might sign that he is not prepared to face idly by and let one thing of the like occur once more. And you must ask your self, why would such a dialog be included in the script so near the finish recreation?
One thing is amiss. Will Varys flip on her as a result of she refuses to take heed to purpose? Or as a result of he has an ulterior motive? Was Tyrion’s apparent displeasure with Jon and Dany doing to the “dirty boat ride” a foreshadowing of the Spider and the Imp making a transfer?
OuncesConjecture on Conjecture: Varys betrays and takes out Dany providing her lifeless physique up for resurrection to the Night time King together with some frosty nuptials. In return, the NK agrees to return past the Wall leaving Westeros to reside with out worry from him and the newly wedded and topped blue-eyed Dragon Queen.
Night time King and Dany, sitting in a tree. Perhaps that one is a attain. However Varys will betray Dany.
Now that they’re gone, who takes the IT?
OuncesConjecture: Euron wins all of it, inflicting Greyjoy loyalists to rejoice whereas the different 99% of us name “Bullshit”
Is it outlandish? Sure. However that’s what we’re doing right here.
“Finger in the Bum” Greyjoy didn’t even grace our screens till Season 6, and even then he appeared in solely two episodes. However he made fairly a splash when he threw Balon off the bridge (he,he,he). He was then capable of assemble a whole fleet of ships in a seemingly brief quantity of time, which takes mad expertise.
In S7, Euron performed a extra outstanding position showing in four out of 7 episodes and proving his value to Cersei by killing two Sand Snakes and delivering mother and the third to KL. She apparently trusted him sufficient to ship him off to gather the Golden Firm on her behalf as properly. And now that Jaime is gone, and with the assumed demise of the gamers in the North (as famous above), Euron might conceivably find yourself the place everybody else has been making an attempt to get for a full seven seasons by default.
Wouldn’t that be some shit.
The purpose, if there is one, is this:
I scribed this a yr in the past, and it is apparently true as evidenced right here and right here:
There is no means, regardless of how spectacular the ending, that this story is going to finish with gratification for the plenty.
So, jot this down someplace in order that in a yr and a half you possibly can simply find and present proof as soon as Season 8 concludes… most viewers probably gained’t approve of the ending. It is going to be ridiculed and questioned and criticized. There will probably be unfastened ends (hopefully only a few). D&D might be proclaimed idiots by many, and the true ending that the creator envisioned might endlessly stay unwritten. As George said, will probably be bittersweet. And that is a best-case state of affairs.
The theories are simply what they’re. Theories. Some of them are respectable, educated guesses. Some are optimistic hopes for a way the writer want to see the present conclude.
However perceive, your ending will doubtless not be THE ending. Neither will mine.
Game of Thrones is an anomaly. By no means has there been such a fanatical curiosity in a tv collection that prompts unpaid analysis by so many in a world that doesn’t exist. That is a testomony to George and to D&D and ought to be appreciated as a lot because it is scrutinized.
In case you maintain an inflated expectation of how the story ought to finish out of your perspective, the finish recreation might be an agonizing occasion for you.
“Everything ends badly. Otherwise it wouldn’t end.”
Anticipate the worst. Hope for the greatest. Take pleasure in the journey. Game Over Quickly.
That’s a wrap for the Ouncestoday, girls and boys! Arising subsequent: The unique Dying Odds for S8. Settle for no imitations.
In the meantime, go take pleasure in a podcast.
Hope all you kiddos are doing properly! Let me know the place I’m flawed (you all the time do), keep thirsty, and should there all the time be peace in your realm.
“Unbowed. Unbent. Unsullied.”
Comply with Oz on Twitter
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